A Visit to Gehenna

It's possessed. That must be it. The fireplace has a personality of its own and one does not just 'turn it on' one must negotiate a reasonable arrangement each time one wants heat. Sometimes it wants a lighter instead of the piezo electric starter. Other times it will want a high flame setting otherwise it will just go out. Sometimes it just won't start at all and other times is spews out clouds of smelly gas and threatens to stink us out.

I hear you... 'Get a gas guy to check it out.' Well, Duh.... I did. He came it took the pit apart, played with the various components, put it all back together and as he walked out the door he shook his head and informed us that, 'It's possessed,' and left. I was about to ask for clarification as he was walking to his truck but. without looking back, he just held his hand up and said, "Don't call me about this again,' and drove off.

So, I spend the better part of the afternoon meditating in front of the ornery fireplace trying to communicate with its inner being. It was a contest of wills. She wanted more fuel and I wanted more heat. She wanted to go 24 hours a day and I just wanted heat in the cold spells. Even the start-up procedure was an issue. We have come to an understanding. I will get heat if I follow a precise ritual. If I hold the pilot button for 2 minutes, click the ignitor exactly 47 times and use some colourful magic incantations she will give me fire. If I negotiate a precise level of gas flow she will condescend to operate as I request for several hours.

I have dubbed the fireplace 'Gehenna' and she seems to be flattered with the name considering it to be a title of honour and respect. Since she doesn't have access to Google my dictum continues to please her and for the rest of the winter I expect that we will have come to an arrangement that will service us both. Later I found a brochure that the gas guy had left with the cost of a new fireplace scribbled secretly in a small space on the back. I may have to get a second job in order to have Gehenna removed.

The meaning of Gehenna (Don't tell her.)


  1. Have you considered offering Gehanna some "sacrifices" as the Pagans once did? You might get more favourable results.


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